We don’t need to actually see your Christmas tree to know there just isn’t enough tragedy on it. Hallmark to the rescue! Time to rush out and buy one of the company’s annual Star Trek ornaments, which features Kirk and Spock consulting with the Enterprise’s original captain, Christopher Pike. Sure, Captain Pike had a memorable turn in this year’s Star Trek reboot, but this ornament far more awesomely features the Pike seen in Star Trek: The Original Series episodes 11 & 12, “The Menagerie.” As you no doubt recall, those eps found Pike badly ravaged by radiation and left burnt, mute and completely paralyzed. His sole means of communication was a brainwave-controlled wheelchair that could only answer yes or no questions by beeping. Hallmark’s ornament captures some of that special magic by playing audio of Spock and Kirk questioning Pike only to have his wheelchair beep feebly in response. How festive!

Hallmark has some other pretty decent geek ornaments this year, most notably a tiny Galaga console that plays authentic game noises, a replica of the Ectomobile from Ghostbusters and a 3D recreation of Spider-Man’s debut on the cover of Amazing Fantasy No. 15. But this Pike ornament is unquestionably the best Christmas tchotchke the company’s unveiled since their tantalizing Slave Girl Leia. As you hang him from your tree, don’t forget to admire his gruesome facial scars!