As you read this, you’re probably already in line to see the new fact-based documentary, 2012, which hits theaters today. And as you surely know by now, the movie is based on the Mayan prediction that, on December 21, 2012, the world will end in a hail of well-executed CGI. (It was Nostradamus who added that the White House would be destroyed by an aircraft carrier riding on a tidal wave.)

To prepare for the movie (and the coming apocalypse), run to your nearest Internet connection and buy the following products:

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to 2012: Written by Synthia Andrews, a “respected bodywork practioner.” We think that means she can tell you about 2012 and also hammer out the dents in your car.

Super Ark Emergency Survival Kit: Available from the fine folks at 2012supplies.com, this kit boasts over 30 Hope-I’m-Still-Alive-On-December-22 items. Store it next to your unused Y2K survival kit.

Ultimate 2012 iPhone App: There are a half dozen 2012 apps on the iTunes store, but “Ultimate 2012” from Ambient Channel destroys them all. It counts down the days till December 21, 2012, offers a daily 2012 preparation tip and lets you list things you want to do before the world ends. All that for only 99 cents! To price it that low, you’d have to be crazy! Oh, wait…