Wed, 4 Nov '09

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas Wish List

We asked ATHF what they wanted for Christmas . . . besides multiple copies of their new album, of course

May we present your new favorite holiday album: Have Yourself A Meaty Little Christmas by the gentlemen of Adult Swim’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Also available for download, it includes such instant classics as “Santa Left A Booger In My Stocking” and “I Sure Hope I Don’t Have to Beat You’re A$$ (This Christmas).” They are the most touching carols ever sung by floating fast food items.

To celebrate the album, we asked co-creator Dave Willis to relay to us what the characters wanted for Christmas:

MEATWAD:
Jonas Brothers ‘Poned’ purity ring
If you are worried about your kids getting pregnant this Christmas, tell Santa to get this ring for them. It makes children and teens save themselves for marriage using patented Jonas Brothers technology. I hope I get one.

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Tipton Challenge Board Game
 Zack and Cody have fun, boy. They live in a hotel all the time. Now you can pretend you are a little boy in a hotel, too! Like that boy with the big wheel and the elevator full of blood in The Shining. Danny! Danny boy! I probably won’t get this for Christmas since the game pieces is small enough to choke on.

Fisher-Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse Mega Set
Ya’ll, this is amazing. This comes with a giant dollhouse with a grand staircase and a nursery for the twins and a whole family to live in it. You can also get the family in African American if that is your flavor. I feel sorry for Asian people. Maybe next year they will want to make a toy of you.

FRYLOCK:
Mazuri Rodent Breeder 6F (50 lbs)
When you’re breeding hundreds of lab rats for experiments, it’s important to give them proper nutrition. That’s why my rats love their Mazuri Rodent Breeder 6F. It provides a balanced diet and a taste rats love—until they are turned inside-out by my failed time travel experiments.

Quill pen
Writing with a quill pen in the 21st century is a sign of sophistication and whimsy. People will either think you are really cool, or really... Amish. Either way, you're getting some kind of attention, and that can be good.

The Ultimate Man's Guide to Internet Dating: The Premier Men's Resource for Finding, Attracting, Meeting and Dating Women Online
What really sold me on this book was how long and thorough the title was. I didn't have to wonder for a second what this book was about. My time is very important, and if I was going to read one book about how to make an enticing Facebook profile, this was going to be it.

CARL:
KISS football
This football is a weird combination of sports and rock and roll. Like when they play Gary Glitter at the ballgame, and all you can think about for a few seconds is how he's a convicted child molester. It’s just confusing. Yet, I still use his song to inspire the G-men to victory, and I still want this retarded football.

The Ultimate Stretcher
I know what you’re thinking. Why does a guy as hung as me want any more length? I say, why be Steve Young, when you can be the Joe Montana of dongs! Yeah! Go long baby, I’ll hit you from way back here! God that thing looks uncomfortable.

Star Trek Captain's Chair
I ain’t no freakin’ nerd, but look at that thing. Frickin’ awesome. You remember Captain Kirk, the ladies were all over his phaser. I bet if I dragged this out in front of a Star Trek convention and just sat in it for long enough, something erotic would happen to me.

MASTER SHAKE:
A tiger
Protect your loot in style! A tiger is a great low maintenance investment in personal security. You don’t even have to feed them! They live off the flesh of burglars. Added bonus: Chicks love cats.

Chopard Super Ice Cube watch
My wrists aren’t my best feature, and I really don’t want to bring attention to them. But I would make an exception for this watch. It says, “Screw my student loans, I just want to have fun! I like to cut through sliding patio doors with my wristwatch!”

Tecnologia Aeroespacial Mexicana Jetpack
When you’re in Mexico, they say, “Don’t drink the water.” Well, they didn't say anything about the jetpacks. I’m a firm believer in Mexican technology! Take nachos, for example. They're delicious. Case closed.